Whose Hand Should Rock the Cradle
My mom suggested that when Gavin comes out, it is in his best interest that he goes home in the Philippines to be taken care of (since my lolo is planning to go home this March). She said that it would be difficult for me to raise a child by myself with no immediate help whatsoever. With my sister being quite aloof and having a husband miles away from me, she thinks that the only possible way for me to get back on my feet again is to send the baby home.
I was not quite thrilled at this notion since I can honestly say that I wasn't really there to raise my daughter Jenna so I want to make things right this time. I left Jenna under my mother's care when she was barely two years old. I missed most of the important phases in her life and I regret not being there when she needed me the most. My yearly visits isn't enough to see every growing-up stages in her life. Though this sacrifice has given her the comforts of life, sometimes I feel that not having me around doesn't compensate for whatever material things I could offer.
With Gavin, I have all the opportunity to see him grow up. Sadly, it's disappointing to know that some people think that having him here hinders me from doing my responsibility as a parent. I know it would be a struggle at first to balance work and parenting without someone to share the responsibility. I know how difficult it would be to rearrange my schedules at work just to accomodate daycare policies. I know that I have to make some budget cuts and sacrifices in order to give whatever Gavin and Jenna needs (meaning LESS shopping for Mommy). But the knowledge of these changes doesn't mean that I could NOT do it.
If having Jenna was a breeze since my mom was there 24/7, I know for a fact that things would be different with Gavin. Honestly, if the situation permits, I would gladly have Jenna move here with me. But with all the immigration issues, it's not really applicable at the moment and so I have to wait. It was really hard for me to leave Jenna behind so why would I want that to happen with Gavin? I felt bad that I wasn't the one who actually raised Jenna and I just don't go through that experience again. If I was given a choice, I would have stashed Jenna in my carry-ons when I left Manila.
Maybe my mom was just thinking about what's best for me and for the baby. I'm sure she just wants to help knowing how hard it is to raise a child on my own. But just the thought of having the child then leaving him to be taken care by someone else just because things wouldn't be comfortable makes me feel less of a parent. I may not be the perfect mother but I do know when I should act like one. Having a child means accepting the responsibility no matter how difficult the changes would be. Just wonder what the effects it would have on Gavin once he finds out that I chose living a single life over taking care of him. It just takes a little sacrifice and adjusting to take care of a baby and be a working mom at the same time.
I was not quite thrilled at this notion since I can honestly say that I wasn't really there to raise my daughter Jenna so I want to make things right this time. I left Jenna under my mother's care when she was barely two years old. I missed most of the important phases in her life and I regret not being there when she needed me the most. My yearly visits isn't enough to see every growing-up stages in her life. Though this sacrifice has given her the comforts of life, sometimes I feel that not having me around doesn't compensate for whatever material things I could offer.
With Gavin, I have all the opportunity to see him grow up. Sadly, it's disappointing to know that some people think that having him here hinders me from doing my responsibility as a parent. I know it would be a struggle at first to balance work and parenting without someone to share the responsibility. I know how difficult it would be to rearrange my schedules at work just to accomodate daycare policies. I know that I have to make some budget cuts and sacrifices in order to give whatever Gavin and Jenna needs (meaning LESS shopping for Mommy). But the knowledge of these changes doesn't mean that I could NOT do it.
If having Jenna was a breeze since my mom was there 24/7, I know for a fact that things would be different with Gavin. Honestly, if the situation permits, I would gladly have Jenna move here with me. But with all the immigration issues, it's not really applicable at the moment and so I have to wait. It was really hard for me to leave Jenna behind so why would I want that to happen with Gavin? I felt bad that I wasn't the one who actually raised Jenna and I just don't go through that experience again. If I was given a choice, I would have stashed Jenna in my carry-ons when I left Manila.
Maybe my mom was just thinking about what's best for me and for the baby. I'm sure she just wants to help knowing how hard it is to raise a child on my own. But just the thought of having the child then leaving him to be taken care by someone else just because things wouldn't be comfortable makes me feel less of a parent. I may not be the perfect mother but I do know when I should act like one. Having a child means accepting the responsibility no matter how difficult the changes would be. Just wonder what the effects it would have on Gavin once he finds out that I chose living a single life over taking care of him. It just takes a little sacrifice and adjusting to take care of a baby and be a working mom at the same time.
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